C h a p t e r T w e n t y-One
Small Hand in Mine
The days following that promise I made to Artie, I embarked on my next adventure. This adventure was a strange one. I hadn’t expected it. We were gone only a short while, but it felt like we had walked into the depths of the earth.
It felt like we were gone for an eternity.
“Todd the Spectacular has received a message from the Great Spectacular One.”
A very long sentence for Charlie, but I felt he was doing better everyday, and I listened intently.
Charlie Ferguson crossed his arms behind his back and held his chin high like I imagined a true hero would. But then his hands left his back and he appeared pestered for a moment.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, carefully.
He just kept poking at his nose, touching the same spot, over and over again. Then he shook his head and shivered. Not from the cold, I supposed.
I didn’t understand all of the things Charlie did. The expressions he made, the movements with his fingers, how he sometimes acted repetitiously.
But I chose to push those differences aside. Because if everyone was the same…well, I think you would tire of talking to yourself.
“Are you alright?” I asked. Then I stayed quiet and waited patiently.
He grinned pleasingly and I knew he was content and ready to go on an adventure. I knew I had him back.
“Todd the Spectacular wants Annie the Brave to go on a mission.”
I stepped closer. “A mission?” I realized he was playing a game, and today I wanted to play along with him.
He chuckled cleverly and nodded his head. “We have to find the others. They may be in s-some sort of danger.”
I nodded firmly. “Who’s missing?”
“All of ‘em,” he replied blandly. “Do you want to come?”
“On the adventure?”
“Yeah,” he said, excitedly.
I smiled. “I will come.”
I glanced around myself and did agree that the place looked rather empty. The town, I mean. Maybe they were sleeping the Sunday away.
But my siblings and a certain Artie Ferguson were nowhere to be found.
“What are you whispering about?”
I jumped when Claudia cut in between us. “Oh, you scared me.”
Charlie put a finger to his lips. “We have to go on a mission. The others might be in danger.”
“Danger?” Claudia scoffed. “I hardly think this village is capable of—”
“Shh!” I shushed her. “Lead the way.”
“What are we doing?” Claudia persisted.
“I want to play,” Charlie complained. “Stop talking about it. You’re messing it up.”
Claudia frowned at me and then the two of us followed the boy, unsure of where we would go.
Todd the Spectacular led us, Claudia the Divine and Annie the Brave, through familiar woods and beaches I had memorized. I wasn’t sure how long Charlie wanted to play this game. I thought they must be at our field but he never said a thing.
“Where is he taking us?” Claudia whispered, as the land grew denser and swamp-ish. The trees were thicker and I heard sounds all around me. Birds calling to one another. Toads croaking a song. And other creatures I didn’t know about.
“Where are you taking us?” I spoke up, afraid we’d end up lost.
He looked back at me with a quick scowl and said just what I feared. “We’re lost.”
“What?”
“Todd the Spectacular was leading you to the other knights but you’ve a’scared him off.”
“Charlie, you have to be cooperative,” I said pressingly. “If Todd the Spectacular led us all this way, then he can help us back out! Have you ever been this deep in before?” I stared at him but he hardly said a word. He seemed to be regretting it.
“You’ve led us into a swamp, Charlie!” Claudia cried.
Charlie scowled at her and turned away.
“We can still play along, but we can’t go any farther,” I decided.
“He’s gone,” he said mournfully. “He doesn’t like mean people. People like Cl-Claudia. And you,” he added with a sniffle.
That was the third time Charlie had called me mean. It hurt more than if Felix or Henry had said it.
I guess because Charlie acted like I meant the world to him sometimes. And I didn’t want to disappoint him. I wanted to be brave, like he thought I was.
“Charlie, please help us find our way home.”
“I said, we’re lost!” He yelled and pushed me into a puddle of cold, thick mud.
“Charlie!” I cried. I stood up. “How could you do that?”
“You pushed her,” Claudia said alarmingly. “How could you? She’ll catch a cold!”
His arms came towards me and with all my might I kept him from pushing me again. I grabbed his arm and held it firmly. “Stop it,” I said sternly. “You’re acting like a little child, Charlie, not the older boy that you are.”
“I am a little child,” he said.
“Yes, but…” my shoulders dropped and I pushed a clump of mud from off my arm. “Yes, but you’re fourteen,” I mumbled, quietly enough so that no one would hear.
He groaned furiously. He didn’t say any words but I could feel the heat and frustration from the sounds he made. I felt agony for him, but I knew I had to be stern or he would live his life always getting his way and doing what he wanted. And I couldn’t let that happen, not while he was in my care.
“Stop it.”
“No,” he dragged out the word and kept trying to break free from my grasp.
“Yes.”
“No!”
“It’s getting dark,” Claudia said feebly.
“I know,” I sighed. “We’re walking into a marsh.”
“I don’t want to go,” Charlie said stoutly.
“Charlie, listen to me. Soon it is going to be very dark. The ground will be mud and we will walk into a swamp. We must go home. We must, Charlie, or we will be truly and completely lost.”
He shook his head and breathed heavily and I was afraid that he wouldn’t move. That I would have to drag him home. I saw angry, but confused tears well up in his eyes.
“You can’t do everything you want,” my voice caught in my throat. I had to be harsh. If I never did then he would accidentally hurt himself one day, leaving me feeling responsible for such a thing.
And I would lose a part of me.
“I want to go,” he said pleadingly. “I don’t want to go back. I want to go more. Farther,” he moaned. “It’s not done yet. Come on,” he went to latch onto my arm but I stepped back.
“Do you mean the game isn’t done yet?” Claudia asked.
“It’s not a game!” he cried alarmingly.
I looked at Claudia with a warning look that signaled not to say anymore about the “game.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, and touched his arm, but he pushed away from me coldly.
“Charlie,” I said, feeling hurt. “Don’t act like this. I tell you things and I do certain things because I care about you. I look out for you.”
He looked away rebelliously.
“Remember that day by the river and Artie—” I hesitated, because I didn’t want to cause Charlie to collapse into a stubborn fit that was hard to shake him out of. “Artie had hit you.”
Charlie’s face softened a little and he shook his head again. He kept running his one finger over the side of his face repeatedly.
“He did that because you scared him that day.”
“Because he hates me.”
“No, he knew you could’ve drowned. He was scared because he loves you.”
“Artie don’t care,” he muttered. “He hates me and he don’t care about nothin’.”
“He does too. You can’t be selfish, Charlie. If something ever happened to you I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Artie wouldn’t either. Neither of us would ever forgive ourselves. Everything I say, I say because I care and I’m looking out for you. You have to trust me and you have to listen to me.”
“You’re not Ma!” he yelled, and tears ran down his face. “You can’t be everyone’s Ma,” he said, sitting down and laying his head on his arms. “People are always telling me what to do,” he whimpered. “Always stopping me from doing what I want.”
“You can’t always be alone, Charlie,” I replied gently.
He sniffled and wiped his eyes.
“Let me look out for you,” I whispered. “And let’s begin again.”
“Look out for me?” he mumbled.
“Yes. And I will.”
“Promise?”
I was surprised at his question. “I promise.” I looked at Claudia. “Forever and forever.”
A hint of a smile tugged at his mouth but he pushed it away. “Forever and forever,” he mumbled again and, after a few minutes of quiet, Charlie stood up and trudged past me in the direction of home.
Claudia and I exchanged glances. I didn’t know my eyes glistened with tears until she told me.
It was dark enough that we could barely see what was in front of us.
Claudia handed me a handkerchief.
“Thank you,” I said quietly and wiped my eyes, walking at a steady pace so I didn’t get too far behind.
We followed Charlie and we walked back into the light, the trees at our backs.
I felt lost inside of myself. But I think Claudia understood that.
It was a feverish day. Everything grew noiseless and loud at the same time. There were sounds all around me but I couldn’t distinguish them. The sky was a strange yellowish blend. But I didn’t much think about the sky right then.
Claudia slipped her cold hand into mine.
“I’m just worried about things,” I whispered.
“Me too,” her voice quivered. She was scared. Scared and tired and muddy, just like me. “Will Father come back?”
I realized that Claudia did not worry or feel pain any less just because she was small. I realized maybe I had judged her too harshly in the past. Overall, I mean. I had always thought of her as a simple little girl who wanted to be big and share her opinion on everything. But she was more than that.
She was my sister. She understood too. She had lost her mother, same as I. She had now lost her father, the same as I, too. She shared my pain, and now it felt lighter.
“I wish I knew.” I gave her a tender smile. “Thank you, Claudia.”
And I held her hand tight.
No comments:
Post a Comment