Chapter Twenty-One
Changed Heart
Caleb woke up. The shadows of dreariness seemed to chain him. He wanted to scream, but he had lost his voice. He couldn’t talk. He could hardly breathe. He was covered in mud and rain water. His skin was pale and his lips, purple. He tried to walk but couldn’t. He laid back down.
Caleb sat up. He was in a small room near a fire.
Erin sat beside the bed and quickly put a frozen rag to his face.
Caleb pushed it away. “Where’s Theodore?” He asked, in a serious tone. He made himself believe earlier was just a nightmare. “Where is he?” He roared.
Erin gasped. She went sorting through her bag. She took out a powder and mixed it around in water. “Here. Drink this.”
Caleb breathed quicker. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Caleb, you’re sick. You have pneumonia. If you get up, you could get worse.”
“Let me up!” Caleb went to stand but lost his balance. “Show me to Theodore.”
“I can’t do that.”
Caleb laughed deliriously. “You—you’re really refusing—to show me—?” Caleb collapsed back on the bed. “I—I can’t believe you. You traitor. You’re crazy!” He breathed loudly and Erin looked scared.
“You are very unwell.”
Caleb’s face turned into a cold and bitter stare. “Take me to my cousin now.”
Erin stood up and backed away. “I will get someone if you don’t lie down.
Caleb sighed and closed his eyes. The room grew blurry to him. He rubbed his eyes and felt his forehead. His headache slowly became worse. “What is happening to me?”
“Just sleep.”
“I can’t just sleep. I want—” He paused. He saw the figures of men talking outside. He heard muffled voices in the dark.
“What will we do with the body?” One asked.
“Bury it.”
“Where?”
“Anywhere. In the jungle, perhaps.”
“Who is he?”
“He’s the man cousin. He was speared.”
Caleb’s head spun. Flashes of Theodore crying out in pain and blood spilling out his mouth made Caleb feel nauseous. “No. No, no. It can’t be.” He was beginning to get back to his senses.
Erin tried to get him back in bed, but he persisted to walk outside.
He shoved past her and into the darkness.
The men stopped and looked at him. Behind them lay a wrapped up figure, in the back of a wagon.
Caleb gasped. He went to the wagon and pulled back the sheet. The lifeless face of Theodore haunted him. “I could have saved you.”
The men stared at him. “There was a man. The man the one with the spear was after. It’s his fault. Not yours.”
Caleb looked at them wearily. “Matthew?”
“He shoved past your friend and the speared one plunged into him.”
“No.” Caleb snapped. “Not Matthew. He wouldn’t do that.”
“It wasn’t on purpose.”
“He wouldn’t have ran past Theodore.” Caleb turned back to the body. He covered his face back up. He rested his head on Theodore’s body and cried. “Please wake up, please.”
The men left.
Another man appeared.
Caleb didn’t bother to look up. He cried and hugged Theodore, soaking the sheet he was wrapped in.
The man’s tear stained face shone in the moonlight. It must have been one in the morning.
“I—” He couldn’t talk.
Caleb looked up to see Matthew. He was crying.
Matthew didn’t dare to step forward. His slow tears broke into a hard sob. He bent down on his knees and pleaded, “Please. Please! Kill me. I deserve to die. I beg of you, kill me and justice will be served. To you, to all your friends.” He looked at Theodore. “And to Theodore too.”
Caleb walked towards him.
Matthew grabbed his shirt. “You must want to kill me. Just do it. I don’t deserve to live. Not after what I did. Not after everything I’ve done. I—I’m horrible. I’m a wretch.”
Caleb stared at the crying man for a few moments. It was hard to believe this was Matthew.
Matthew was too ashamed to look at him. So he kept his head down. “It wasn’t on purpose! It was an accident! I’m sorry! It was an accident!”
Caleb saw the guilt in Matthew’s frightened eyes. He held out his hand to him.
Matthew stared. Then after a silence, he took it. “Please.” He whispered. “Just kill me. If you don’t, I’ll do it myself. I can’t bear to live.”
Caleb’s breath was visible in the moonlight. He took Matthew’s hand and embraced him into his arms.
Matthew’s arms wrapped around him as well. He cried. “Why are you doing this to me? I don’t deserve this.”
“I forgive you. And Theodore does too.” Caleb hugged him for a long time. When they let go, Matthew breathed shakily. “What can I do—to ever earn your trust? I can never be your friend. But I want you to know I will always be here. I will make it up to you, I swear!”
Caleb smiled and breathed shakily as well. He could hardly stand. But Matthew needed him now more than ever.
“You are more my friend now than you could ever be. You are forgiven. You have made it up to me now. You’re free and you have earned my trust.” Caleb breathed for air. “Ask Jesus to forgive you.”
Matthew gasped. “I—I can’t.”
“The day you ask forgiveness from Him—is the day you will receive it from me.”
“But—”
“He’ll love you. He’ll always be there for you. Please.”
“I’m not worthy to say a word to Him.”
“None of us are. But that’s why He came. He came to earth to save you and me. He pardoned us. He forgave us. And He’ll make us worthy. If you’ll just ask Him.”
Matthew kneeled down. “Will you help me?”
Caleb cried tears of joy. “I will always help you.”
The rains settled and a rainbow lit the sky. The gathering was sad and drear. For the loss of a friend suffered them.
In a little place in the Amazon, there lies a very special grave. The grave of a man who had brought a revival. A man named Theodore Peters.
Caleb left the group and placed a bible in Theodore’s cold hands.
The coffin shut.
Marion cried. She hid her face with her hands.
Andrew dropped a handful of flowers on the coffin as it was lowered into the ground.
Avery’s tears slowly slid down his wrinkled cheeks. “Theodore was almost my son. He was and still is a beloved cousin, son, and friend. He led the first revival in this place. And he left the place that was safe—” Avery choked on tears. “Just to save a child’s father.”
Caleb never felt this way in all his life. But he had a peace that no one else had. He looked around. Matthew was nowhere in sight. Caleb disappeared from the crowd and into the jungle. It wasn’t long before he found Matthew. Standing there, in the middle of the Amazon, stood he. His back was turned from Caleb. A handful of flowers was in his hands.
Caleb went to him.
Matthew had tears. “I—I can’t believe I’m saying this. But—I loved Theodore. Now, more than ever. And I did nothing to him besides mock him. I was cruel. I called him names. And he was always nice to me. Nice. And loving. Matthew turned to Caleb. “Why did he do that?”
Caleb put his hand on Matthew’s shoulder. “He was a Christian. You can be that too.”
Matthew looked back to the ground. He tried not to cry. But his tears were not hidden. “Why did he have to be blind?”
Caleb was silent.
“He could’ve ran. But he didn’t know. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault!”
“I know.” Caleb said. “But God has a reason for these things. If he never went blind…his father would’ve never been shamed of him. And the only reason I brought him to Peru, was because of his father. And if he had never come to Peru—”
“Then he would be alive.”
“Yes. But also about a hundred people wouldn’t be saved. They’d go living on, sinfully and wickedly for the rest of their lives. No one would’ve come to repentance. Not them. Not you.”
Matthew sighed. “I’ll consider it.”
Caleb smiled. “You need to do more than just consider it.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know. But you’ll be thankful you did it. I promise.” Caleb took out a small bible from his coat pocket. “I bring this everywhere I go. Because I need it. I live by it. Do that with me. Together.”
Matthew stared at the book.
“I will help you. I will always help you and forgive you when you mess up. As long as you’ll forgive me, when I mess up.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
“Matthew, it isn’t like that.” Caleb turned to a book in the Bible, and read, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” He took a breath. “We’re equal. But I have Christ in my heart. And with that, comes a peace that is far greater than anything imaginable.”
The sun was going down and the orange and pink lit the sky.
Matthew stood silently for a long time. He looked behind him. He saw the distant funeral.
“Come.”
“I can’t. I couldn’t go.”
“Yes you could. Theodore would’ve wanted you to come.” Caleb grabbed Matthew’s hand. He took him to the place where Theodore was buried. Most of everyone left. Marion, Erin, Andrew and Avery stood there in silence.
Matthew hesitated. The flowers that he held, he placed them on Theodore’s grave. He thought these people would forever hate him. But someone stepped away from her spot and walked towards him.
Marion gave a gentle smile. “It’s okay.” She whispered.
Avery looked at Matthew. Matthew looked at him.
Avery put his hand on Matthew’s shoulder. “It’s good to have you back son.”
Matthew looked away.
“I thought you were gone.”
“I almost was.” Matthew slowly touched his father’s hands. Then he wrapped his arms around him and hugged him. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Avery hugged him close and stroked his brown hair. “Yes, son.”
Matthew turned to the rest of the group. His gaze turned to Andrew who stood miserably. He went to him.
Andrew refused to look at him.
“Andrew.”
Andrew still looked away.
“I’m sorry.”
Andrew made eye contact with him. But it was brief.
“Can I ask for forgiveness?”
Andrew shrugged but still looked down.
Matthew looked at Caleb and then back at Andrew. “Will you forgive me?”
The group was quiet.
Andrew’s gaze turned to Matthew. He saw the sincereness in his eyes. He was sorry.
“I forgive you.”
Matthew sighed with relief.
Andrew looked to his feet. “That doesn’t make us friends, or anything.”
The circle laughed.
“It’s a start.” Matthew grinned.
